I still remember the first time I attended a "rich people" party at a fancy restaurant. I still remember being dragged into pointless "have-you-tried" conversations. I had nothing to contribute in return. "You must try the delicious [insert-veg-here] soup at [insert-fancy-place] here". It's a fucking vegetable soup — I'm not travelling to the other end of town for soup! I don't care if they grow their own tomatoes on Mars!

I still remember wanting to disappear, or to stay and audibly rant about the atrocious finger food — the only real conversation that was worth having at the time. What I really wanted to do is order some fried chicken (assuming the restaurant couldn't screw it up), but since this was a hosted event, I had no choice but to plan an early exit.

"Have you tried?" conversations are front-and-center of these gigs. People feel the urge to share their experiences with places or products and services they've purchased that have supposedly changed their lives. With little to no prompt, brace yourself for an entire essay on how product X is a product like no other — complete with historical background from inception, promotion, evolution to current form. Gorram mindsnore.

Kids, choose your company wisely, and never aspire to be that rich.